We live in a society that is neither ashamed or embarrassed of having and talking about sex. But if like me, you’re a plus-sized babe you’ll have struggled to see yourself represented by mainstream media when it comes to feeling and looking sexy.
This lack of representation and the general treatment that plus-size bodies have to endure can have a knock-on effect on how we feel between the sheets. When mega-babe Gabourey Sibde’s character Becky got down and dirty in last years Empire, negative comments were aplenty, but the positive response to her rooftop rendezvous was monumental.
This positive representation led many plus-size women to the realisation that they too are deserving of a good, wholesome and satisfying sex life – damn right! But many of us have been affected by the societal implication that fat women are less deserving of this – so what can we do to become more body positive between the sheets? Here are my 7 Ways to Find Your Body Positive Flow in the Bedroom.
PUSH YOUR BOUNDARIES
To find what pushes your buttons in the bedroom you’re going to have to push your boundaries. Sexual experiences are subjective, the way you feel about your body is subjective – therefore what works for you might not work for someone else. But you, my beautiful Queen, you’re going to have to try and do it with the lights on. Allowing your partner to see you in all of your unedited, unscripted and unplanned glory is empowering – and while it may take some time to release your inhibitions, it won’t take long before your inner goddess rears her head and wants to get in on the act.
STOP BUYING COVER-UP LINGERIE
We plus-sized vixens are so accustomed to hearing unfavourable messages about our bodies, that it becomes second nature to want to hide them away. In a similar way to wanting the lights off, we often resort to disguising our bodies in silky lingerie to distract our lovers from what’s underneath. But, newsflash – whoever you’re getting intimate with knows that you’re plus-sized! And guess what, they haven’t kicked you out of the bed! Lingerie won’t cover your body, it will only lift, tuck and morph it into something that society deems more acceptable. So try and rock it in the boudoir without it – you’ve got this.
GO TO A BURLESQUE CLASS
I’ve recently started attending burlesque classes, and as a result I feel more desirable than ever. When at the classes, I am surrounded by stunning women of ALL shapes and sizes, and watching as they sway their hips in unison to a carefully crafted routine is immensely empowering. Surrounding yourself with body positive women in a ‘sexy’ setting will enlighten you to the idea that female sexuality is alive and kicking in everybody and every BODY. Plus – it is SO much fun, the music is fab and you feel like an absolute sex kitten whilst shaking what your Mumma gave you!
LET YOUR PARTNER BE ATTENTIVE
Many plus-sized women shy away from the touch of another. We believe that we have too many lumps and bumps in all the wrong places – but the thing is, your partner wants to touch you. They want to love, touch, look at, taste and kiss ALL of you – including the bits that you’re not that fond of. At first it can be difficult, and somewhat vulnerable, to let your significant other loose on your body – but over time you’ll be begging them to touch your thick thighs and curvaceous tummy.
GET TO KNOW YOURSELF
We are no longer a society of prudes, so I think I’m safe to talk about the idea of female self-love! Sometimes to understand our bodies, we need to get to know ourselves more intimately than we usually would. We have come to see our bodies as something unattractive, but if you set some time aside to take matters into your own hands – so to speak – it will prove to be an eye-opening experience. Light some candles, put some music on and lie back – touching your body will show you what your body feels like and you might surprise yourself by actually liking it.
TRY DIFFERENT POSITIONS
Chances are, you’ve found a sexual position that you believe shows you at your best, and no amount of convincing will make you change that. But occasionally you have to let your guard down and branch out – there are a whole number of satisfying and mind-blowing positions out there to try. Being a bit more adventurous in your sexploits will conjure up a whole list of questions in your head about what your body looks like and how your partner is seeing you – but trust me, they are NOT going to be thinking anything negative about you.
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, AND ASK FOR IT
Plus-sized women are taught by society that their bodies are only wanted in a sexual way for one of two reasons: fetishism or pity. Thus, we have been afraid of asking for what we want in the bedroom because 1) we are either being used to tick off a box, or 2) we are expected to feel grateful to be receiving sexual attention. But not any more! Know that you are worthy of a positive and unforgettable sexual experience, and you have as much right to a voice in the bedroom as the next person. So tell your partner what, how and where you want it – you won’t regret it!
This article was written by me for Society+ – the original can be found here.